STAGE TIME Magazine: Lewis Black, Tina Kim

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find an alternate venue after they discovered he
dropped the f-bomb 42 times in 2004’s Black on
Broadway. As a result, Screwed takes place at the
Warner Theatre in Washington, D.C., and opens
with Black appearing behind a scrim to a standing
ovation, which he waves off, noting, “There is
nothing that I could do now except fuck up our
relationship.” That was just the first of many
killer, curse-filled lines that make Screwed such a
joy to watch.

Black doesn't shy away from adult language or
adult concepts and concerns. Yet despite his age
(he’ll be 58 in August), he is able to deliver with
the enthusiasm of a 25 year old - shaking,
pointing and even jumping up and down. This
youthful exuberance is, however, tempered by
the wisdom, and at times it appears pain, of his
experience. Black reveals that growing up in
nearby Silver Spring, MD, the government made
his blood boil, even at a tender age.

As we all know from his “Back in Black” segments
on The Daily Show, the government and its folly is
still largely what fuels his routine. Though he
delivered a few gems regarding Dick Cheney’s
misfire at the quail farm, (“They turned a petting
zoo into Auschwitz...” The hunting party was upset
about the accident because the next day they
were gonna hunt rabbits with Multiple Sclerosis.”)
the material felt old since that news broke four
months ago. Black admitted to struggling with
topics as of late by saying, “I don’t even have a
ports of Dubai joke and we’re on to immigration!”

Black is of course at his best, while skewering
the Bush administration, saying it watched the
disaster in New Orleans unfold as if it were a
made for TV movie. “Holy shit! I didn’t know it
was on tonight!” Then he perfectly captured
Bush's disregard for the victims by adding,
“Where’d they get all the extras?”

He followed with more dated material about FEMA
and Michael Brown’s post as the head of the Ara-
bian Horse Association. But again, he was able
to conjure a brilliant quip out of the rubble:
“Equestrian, by the by… that’s the gayest word in
the English language. As a matter of fact, I
thought Brokeback Mountain should’ve been called
Two Equestrians.”

is the country that the monkeys in The Wizard of
Oz come from,” Black proves his comedic gift
doesn’t so much lie in observational premises or
the standard use of set-up/punch, but rather in
his brilliant timing and passionate delivery of
intelligent phrases and interesting words.

His punchlines are like paintings - they help you
visualize the joke: “The first time I heard (John
Kerry) speak, after two paragraphs I said ‘Fuck, I
don’t have enough bread crumbs to get home.’”
He isn’t afraid of an act-out or a little physical
comedy either.

Often times crossing his eyes or waving his arms
to indicate his frustration, he showed a tender
side in deliberating the differences between the
Old and New Testaments. He seemed hurt by the
Christian rejection of the Torah, shouting, “We’ve
got a better book with a better character - you’re
gonna love it!”

Screwed reaches its zenith when Black encourages
the Christians in the audience to ask Jews for
help in interpreting the bible. “There are Jews who
walk among you, and they will - I promise you
this - take time out of their very Jewy, Jewy day…
and interpret for you anything that you’re having
trouble understanding.”

The crowd roared with laughter just before the
ellipse, but then Black soured the punch by
adding, “And we will do that if, of course, the price
is right.”

Black’s act did have its share of unnecessary
tags, as is evidenced by this bit on faith: “I would
love to have the faith to believe that (the earth
was built) in seven days, but I have thoughts.
And that can really fuck up the faith thing - just
ask any Catholic priest.” Black’s delivery alone
sold the joke pre-pedophilic priest; it’s a shame
he didn’t just allow the audience to follow the
insinuation.

The latter half of the show was less structured,
starting with a long, pro-gay marriage anecdote
about the implausibility of two swatch-toting gay
banditos disguised in “black cloaks and hoods
and matching pumps - very tasteful,” sneaking
up to a house in the Midwest and fucking each
other in the ass on the porch, thus destroying
another American family.

He then switched gears, sharing his experiences
at last year’s Congressional Correspondents'
Dinner. Though it’s always interesting to hear
a veteran performer tell showbiz stories, the
evening could have done without the nostalgia,
especially given that Stephen Colbert’s
performance at this year’s White House Press
Corps Dinner certainly trumped it.

Black did get the last great joke of the night out
in this section, doing a hysterical act-out of the
president’s handlers leading him around by
dangling a piece of meat from a stick.

Unfortunately what was a fantastic show overall
ended with an underdeveloped premise about the
US being lead by a dead president in 2008. But
Black is so smart, so folksy and so darn loveable
in his grumpiness that his misses are easily
forgiven. Throughout the evening he received a
lot of applause from his mostly liberal fan base,
but unlike George Carlin in his recent HBO
special, he got just as many guffaws.

The strength of Red, White and Screwed is that
Black points out to us in hilarious fashion that
we’ve been following the orders of a dead
president for six years now. The good news is,
that leaves Black at least two more years to work
his political (comedy) magic.

You don't need to know that
Tim Kim performs at colleges,
corporate events, and self-
produced shows across the
nation. You don't need to know
that Kim's sophomore CD has
sixteen tracks, is one hour
long, and is also self-produced.
You don't need to know that
the inside cover features web
cam pictures in which she's
smiling coquettishly, shoulder
bared.

All you really need to know is
the title: Single Asian Female.
On this CD, Kim talks about
being single, Asian, and
female. Then she talks about
being female and Asian and
single some more.

On being single, Kim says that
she's decided to date ugly
guys because she figures
they'll treat her well. But her
plan backfires: "When an ugly
guy doesn't call you back,
yeah, you don't forget. You
know what I'm saying? That
day he doesn't call you back,
at first, you're not worried, you
know, you're like, 'Oh, he
gonna call 'cause he ugly.
Okay. He just a little late...
Then after it's been, like, two
hours, you're actually concern-
ed about that ugly guy, you
know? I'm like, 'Oh, I hope
that ugly's okay.'"

Kim addresses inevitable
comparisons to Margaret Cho,
who inspired her to get into
stand up: "Ya know, fuck that
bitch for losing weight, ya
know? Ya know, now I'm the
fat Korean comic. It was good
there for a while when I was
the thinner one, ya know?"

More Asian material includes,
"See, when you're not Chinese.
See, all my life, growing up,
right, people were like, 'You
Chinese?' 'No.' 'You Japanese?'
'Um, no.' 'You Vietnamese?!'
'Oh, shit, if only I was Chinese,
I could get this over with!'"

There are enough genuinely
interesting, funny moments
(see Buff Arms, Big Bones,
Geico, Mom Thinks, Ziplock) to
make me feel disappointed
with most of the CD. It could
have been quite good, had it
not sounded like it was record-
ed in a washing machine, had
her premises been better
developed, or had the whole
thing been cut to a tight
thirty-five minutes with the
excessive "right?" and "ya
know's" edited out.

Kim's conversational, friendly
delivery made me want to like
Single Asian Female a lot more
than I did.

Near the end of the show, Kim
takes questions from the
crowd, but never seems to
address them directly or for
that matter, humorously.
When asked, "What are your
thoughts on life in L.A. versus
life in New York?"

She responds, "Oh, the
difference is I am single but
nobody asks me out. It's
'cause I'm too intimidating.
That's what I like to tell
myself." Huh?

It's also during this question
period that she asks the
audience how they heard about
her show. And then asks them
again, "So, how did you hear
about me?" In addition to
various plugs for her website, it
makes her sound desperate
rather than entertaining.

I'd like to say keep your eyes
open and check Tina Kim out
in a few more years, but she
herself says: "My goal is to get
on a TV show or get a talk
show or something like that.
And then get a husband.
That's what I want."

I wouldn't be surprised if, once
she snatches that man, Kim
drops stand up and settles for
being a married Asian female.

-DeAnne Smith