Monoblogue by Neil Berliner: Facebook Status: “Spare a Kidney, Bro?

Some lucky guy is getting a transplanted kidney after asking for one on Facebook. Ha! Not one of my 1,256 Facebook friends would even respond to, “Hey, I just landed in L.A. Anyone know a good Thai place?”

Sol Price, who founded Price Club, has died at 93. But he unfortunately got turned away at the Pearly Gates — didn’t have a membership card. And, no, they wouldn’t even give him a tiny sample.

Senate Republicans delayed the health care debate for a day when they insisted that a 767-page amendment be read out loud. Democrats drew the line and refused to allow what would have been a three day delay — to have Dubya or Sarah Palin try to read it.

Speaking of Bush, many of his missing e-mails have finally been recovered. On December 13, 2006 for instance, he apparently requested, “a brand new pony and a green Power Ranger, pretty please with a cherry on top.” (Thanks for sending that in, Santa; we can’t wait to read the rest!)

So, have ya heard the one about Phil Mickelson? Me neither!

But everybody, please get off Tiger’s case — he actually helped my golf game big time with his nutrition regimen, the Tiger Woods Diet: legs, breasts, mostly white meat. Well, it helped at least for those three days before I cheated on it. Oh, and the difference between Tiger Woods and Chris Brown? When Chris Brown hits on a woman, he uses his body part called “hand”. *

Finally, people are now getting sued for things they say on Twitter. Look people, just gimme a break; not every one of my jokes can be a home run. (I’m deleting Gloria Allred from my Twitter followers, just in case!)

*Co-written with comedian Rev. Bob Levy

Neil Berliner is a comedy writer and practicing M.D. He has written aired lines for 11 major roasts since 2006 including Matt Lauer, Artie Lange, Mario Batali, Andy Dick, Pat Cooper, William Shatner, and Flavor Flav. Join Neil on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.

Published on Tuesday, December 22 at 6:37 am by Stage Time Magazine · Filed Under: Comedians, Comedy Blogs, Featured 

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