Monoblogue by Neil Berliner: Nicholas Cage is Blowin’ His Wages

Nicholas Cage’s former financial manager is fuming. He claims that Cage, not he, caused his own financial disaster. “He bought 15 mansions, two castles in Europe, four yachts, and several Rolls Royces…and I’m sure that the TGIFriday’s “2 for 1″ entree coupon I gave him is still rotting in his wallet!

A two year-old Tennessee boy helped his mother deliver her fourth baby on their living room couch. When a reporter asked him if he’d been scared or nervous, the toddler replied, “No way! The two before this one were C-sections!”

First, they recommend delaying mammograms. Now, they say hold off until age 21 for Pap smears. Men are considering filing a discrimination suit – we haven’t heard a single word about postponing the “glove, jelly, bend over, and breathe deep”!

Oprah Winfrey just interviewed Sarah Palin. Winfrey could have gotten less convoluted answers from my intestines during a game of Twister.

A Democratic senator from Arkansas is not sure if she’ll vote for the health care bill because she wants to make sure that it’s good for the people in her state. I say, “Here’s the deal. Vote for the bill. We’ll fly all seven people in your state to a New York doctor whenever they’re sick!”

A New York judge recently ordered a clown to change out of his colorful costume during his trial. Judges hate when people dress weird in court; goofy white curly wigs, big black robes -– ya know, stuff like that.

Neil Berliner is a comedy writer and practicing M.D. He has written aired lines for 11 major roasts since 2006 including Matt Lauer, Artie Lange, Mario Batali, Andy Dick, Pat Cooper, William Shatner, and Flavor Flav. Join Neil on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.

Published on Sunday, November 22 at 3:32 am by Stage Time Magazine · Filed Under: Comedians, Comedy Blogs, Featured 

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