Monoblogue by Neil Berliner: Can’t Buy Elections!

New Jersey governor Jon Corzine has lost in his re-election bid, despite outspending his opponent by millions. Just goes to show that in our great nation, money isn’t everything, and it can’t buy elections! (NOTE: This statement is not valid for the New York City mayoral purchase on 11/3/09.)

Some parents are avoiding theme parks because they’re concerned that they’re “H1N1 Petri dishes.” Not to worry, when you pass by the Snow White exhibit, just steer clear of “Sneezy.”

Mariah Carey told Larry King that she drank what she called “ugly juice” to prepare for her role in the film Precious. To survive her acting, audience members, upon leaving the theater will be given free “amnesia juice”!

Kirstie Alley will be rewarded with yet another reality show for 2010. She’s almost there; she weighed in today at 2007 and 3/4.

Everybody’s broke. When those “Capital One” commercials ask, “What’s in your wallet?” everyone says, “Nothing! If we had cash, or qualified for AMEX or VISA, do you think we’d be applying for Capital One credit cards?!”

I’m not sure, but I might be an Internet addict. I read 61 articles online suggesting that I am, but five blogs and 23 online surveys lead me to believe I’m not.

Neil Berliner is a comedy writer and practicing M.D. He has written aired lines for 11 major roasts since 2006 including Matt Lauer, Artie Lange, Mario Batali, Andy Dick, Pat Cooper, William Shatner, and Flavor Flav. Join Neil on Facebook and follow him on Twitter.

Published on Monday, November 9 at 2:35 am by Stage Time Magazine · Filed Under: Comedians, Comedy Blogs, Featured 

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