Monoblogue by Neil Berliner: This “Rocket” Not Headed to Hall of Fame So Fast!

By Neil Berliner

Roger Clemens has been charged with perjury. His response: “Never, never, in my entire life, either by a pill, cream, or injection, have I ever taken perjury!”

Finally, a procedure to make Tori Spelling look better than ever: Apply the Snazzy Napper!

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Humor Column: The Urban Erma by Leighann Lord: Learning from a Living Legend

By Leighann Lord

There are almost no words to describe what it felt like to watch my comedy idol, Franklyn Ajaye, take the stage Sunday night at the Laugh Lounge in New York City. I’ve been a fan of his even before I became a stand-up comedian. Most people remember Franklyn from the movie Car Wash, but I recall his comedy album, Don’t Smoke Dope, Fry Your Hair.

I recommend his book, Comic Insights, to young comedians all the time. It’s a useful compendium of his advice coupled with interviews with other stand-up icons like Richard Belzer, Bill Maher, and Ellen DeGeneres discussing the craft of comedy.

While I didn’t get to see George Carlin live, I did see Bill Cosby at Radio City Music Hall. He sat down in an easy chair, center stage, and the next two hours flew joyously by. I’ve had a chance to meet and work with a lot of great comics such as: Tommy Davidson, David Alan Grier, Chris Rock, George Wallace and Kathy Ladman, but Franklyn is different.

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Humor Column: The Urban Erma by Leighann Lord: The Sisters of Schinnen

By Leighann Lord

One might get the impression that I travel around the world not to do stand-up comedy, but to meet and be photographed with adorable dogs. Alas, that’s just an extremely cool bonus. I was on tour to entertain military personnel stationed in Europe. The folks at USAG Schinnen set the bar pretty high, not just with Jazzebelle, but with their warm and generous hospitality. On our first night, MWR Host Melissa made us two huge pans of delicious lasagna.

We devoured the first and put the second in the refrigerator on our tour bus. Oh, did I mention we had a tour bus? Just when I thought the military couldn’t top travel by Black Hawk helicopter, they broke out a tour bus for us to roam around Europe in. My diary entry for that day: “I feel like a rock star!”

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Monoblogue by Neil Berliner: $35 iPad

By Neil Berliner

So there’s a new $35 knock-off iPad from India. Who needs that? I paid $35 for a real one last night at 2am up in the Bronx!

Snooki just got arrested for disorderly conduct. This will not look good on her med school applications.

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Humor Column: The Urban Erma by Leighann Lord: Chi-WOW-hua!

Meet Jazzebelle

By Leighann Lord

Although I’m a dog lover, I have to confess Chihuahuas are near the bottom of my list. It only takes one dog to mess it up for the entire breed and for me the culprit was Chico. When I was a kid, Chico the Chihuahua technically lived across the street from us but he roamed the neighborhood with impunity, terrorizing everyone. Most people look both ways before crossing the street. We looked both ways before crossing Chico.

This dog was beyond the help of Caesar Milan, The Dog Whisperer. Chico would have ripped his heart out and peed on it while it was still beating. I remember riding on the back of my mother’s bicycle, Chico in hot pursuit. And I was very well aware that if my Mom didn’t out pedal him, I’d be the first one he’d sink his terrible tiny teeth into. That sort of thing scars you for life. I won’t even watch reruns of “Chico and The Man.”

And then I met Jazzebelle.

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Monoblogue by Neil Berliner: Bristol and Levi…Happy at Last!

By Neil Berliner

Bristol and Levi have announced their gift registry. Cool! I’ve always wondered what it looks like inside a K-Mart!

If you touch the lower left corner of the new iPhone, your call might suddenly drop out. Look for Apple to name that part of the phone the “Yenta Escape Button”!

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